During the early part of my summer break this year, I found myself stifled by boredom. My children and I are used to the regular rhythms of school, day care, piano lessons, soccer practices, ballet, and my teaching schedule. Things were hectic, but I thrive on that sort of structure. However, once summer came, my structure was gone. I had a break from teaching classes and my children were home, expecting to be entertained each and every day.
We slipped into a rut of late breakfasts, Curious George marathons, and hot afternoons running around the yard. I finally decided that enough was enough and started planning activities. Actual things to do. We visited every park within a twenty-mile radius of our home. We went to two children’s museums, one thirty minutes south of us and one thirty minutes north. We found coupons for the local swimming pool, attended story time at the library, invited friends over to play, did art projects, and went out for ice cream. Summer time became satisfying.
During my quest for more to do, I happened upon a notice in the newspaper advertising an appearance and reading by Terry Tempest Williams at one of our state’s major universities. I immediately decided that I would attend, but chickened out when I realized that the friend I usually attended such events with could not go and that I’d have to hire a baby sitter early in the morning to get there on time. I gave up on seeing the reading, but I did put the book on hold at the library. And now, I’ve had a chance to read it: When Women Were Birds: Fifty-Four Variations on Voice (2012).
I’d never read Williams before, and I knew little about her, but reading this book has given me a proper introduction to her, and although we don’t agree on everything, I admire her honesty, courage, and authenticity.
The premise of the book is that when her mother was dying of cancer, she gave Terry all of her journals (three shelves of them) with the condition that they not be read until after she died. A week after her mother’s death, Williams opened the journals and found that all of them were blank. This is the premise of her book, and she riffs on the theme of voice (and the lack of a voice) in all of her variations. Consequently, the work comes across as both choppy and poetic at the same time. I found myself both enthralled and annoyed with some of the obtuse language and structure, but I am glad to have read it in its entirety. It’s a treat.
My favorite part is her exploration of voice in terms of women and reproduction. She defends the right to abortion, but also explains the menstrual cycle and sexuality in a way that I had never been able to articulate. She says:
“Because what every woman knows each month when she bleeds is, I am not pregnant. Because what every woman understands each time she makes love is, Life could be in the making now. Which is why when a woman allows a man to enter her, it is not just a physical act, but an act of surrendering to the possibility that her life may no longer be hers alone. Because until she bleeds, she will check her womb every day for the stirrings of life. Because until she bleeds, she wonders if her life will be one or two or three. Because until she bleeds, she imagines every possibility from pleasure to pain to birth to death and how she will do what she needs to do, and until she bleeds, she will worry endlessly, until she bleeds.
“If a man knew what a woman never forgets, he would love her differently” (94).
That passage spoke volumes to me, and it extends for several pages before and after that excerpt. Williams never had biological children of her own, but she explores her own motherhood through her “adoption” of a college-aged African man, whom she has guided and nurtured. I like that although she has not had her own children, she does not exclude herself from motherhood. No woman should, for as Williams also points out, we all parent each other.
She shares other interesting experiences of finding, losing, and not sharing her voice. She shares her environmentalist triumphs, despite the fact that senators and congressmen and women tried to ignore her voice. The funniest line is spoken by her ultra conservative boss at her first teaching job just out of college: “Did you know that the Devil is an environmentalist?” (78).
Williams also recounts her friendship with Wangari Maathai (1940-2011), a champion for women’s rights and environmentalism in Kenya. I read Maathai’s autobiography, Unbowed: A Memoir (2006), earlier this year, and am still awestruck by her efforts to create a better life for the people of her nation. She had a rough life herself, but continued to fight for her cause, eventually winning the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004. Williams describes Maathai’s efforts as such: “For the first time, I saw how environmental issues are economic issues are, ultimately, issues of social justice. If women are suffering, children are suffering. Empower women, and you empower the community” (100). This is exactly what Maathai’s environmentalist efforts were all about. It touched me to realize that these two women were connected.
Williams also knew and worked with Wallace Stegner (1909-1993), one of the greatest American writers. I am planning to post on his masterpiece Angle of Repose (1971) one of these days, but how jealous I am that she knew him. Of course, finding her voice in his presence was difficult, as I find it difficult to find my own voice when in the presence of somebody seemingly my better.
Here are some of the other memorable lines, quotes, and ideas:
“I wish someone had told me when I was young that it was not happiness I could count on, but change” (86).
“What are the consequences when we go against our instincts? What are the consequences of not speaking out? What are the consequences of guilt, shame, and doubt?” (105).
“What is the gesture of a woman’s hand covering her mouth? What is the gesture of a woman’s hand covering her mouth with her eyes wide open?” (113).
“Marriage is more sandstone than granite, similar to the terrain of southern Utah: the geography of mountains, canyons, and plateaus. The weathering creates the redrock windows and bridges. Beauty is transformed over time, and not without destruction” (161).
I highly recommend this book because of its quirkiness and oddities. It’s also moving, beautiful, meaningful, and powerful. I found myself wanting to have a stronger voice in certain situations because of Williams’s experiences and her ideas. This book just may have given me what I need to face some of the changes coming up in my life. And despite her explorations of voice, she admits, “I will never be able to say what is in my heart, because words fail us, because it is in our nature to protect, because there are times when what is public and what is private must be discerned” (208).
Speaking as a man, I especially liked this line:“If a man knew what a woman never forgets, he would love her differently” (94). I also love Stegner. “Angle of Repose” is one of the greatest American novels written. The man loves the earth and he has immense word power. I look forward to your take on the novel.
I am with you on Stegner. He is … Well, I’m speechless, but Angle of Repose is the great American novel. I have read it twice and I could read it again and again.
Reblogged this on Mihnea Georgescu, Esq..
Many thanks! 🙂
For me it is not “worry” but “hope”. I am endlessly gratified by the natural and spiritually organic life I live with my husband and my kids. I love and we thrive in the absence of an imposed external structure to our days. Ours is an internalized rhythm that guides, instructs, nourishes and nurtures. We are never bored.
That’s wonderful. I truly envy you. I hope to be like that someday.
What beautiful post. I am inspired to read this one. Thanks for sharing the thought provoking quotes. I love a poetic philosopher.
Thank you! I think you’d like her.
I really enjoyed your post today. If you ever need someone to go to a reading, give me a call. It would be great to experience new things. Thanks Jill
Hurray! A new friend to attend readings with. I will definitely contact you. 🙂
Thanks for this post. I’ve seen this book and wondered about it – but didn’t pick it up. Now I think I will.
Let me know what you think. I had mixed feelings as I read, but I was glad that I finished and got to see it all come together.
She has a way with words.
This is now on my Amazon wishlist. Thanks so much for sharing – what really won me over was the part you posted, the (“Because what every woman knows each month when she bleeds is, I am not pregnant.) part. It reminded me so much of my last year of University – up until Feb, I was in a relationship, as was my flatmate. Every so often, one of us would just grin at the other and go “I feel like crap. But I’m not pregnant!” And yeah, at times it was more than a simple thought, and we’d sit and talk about ‘what if’, spoke to each other if we were scared it was happening, and it just reminded me so much of that.
Again, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading! I hope you like the book and that you get it from your wishlist. I think what you mention is the idea of the whole book, just what it means to be a woman and how women can use, distrust, forget, lose, or empower their own voices.
Wow. This sounds like a really wonderful experience to read. I totally relate with feeling like I can’t find my voice when I’m intimidated. Thanks for sharing!
I think all of her “variations” on voice are relatable. We all have those moments. Thanks for reading!
Thanks for sharing some of your favorite quotes, Emily. This line resonated with me: “I wish someone had told me when I was young that it was not happiness I could count on, but change.” I’ve heard the story about the blank journals before–now I’m trying to remember where. I can’t imagine it happened to someone else as well. Sounds like an interesting read!
I wonder if you caught an interview with her. I think she might have been on our local NPR show. Anyway, I like that quote too. I wish somebody had told me that when I had my first baby because every time I thought I had figured her out, she changed!
This sounds like a challenging, interesting and ultimately rewarding reads. I like when people take the time to reflect on what it means to be a woman, outside of sexual harassment suits and discussions on monetary equality, etc. etc. All of “women’s issues” are vitally important, but I think it is equally important to not rob women of their unique qualities and it sounds like this book really celebrates that. I look forward to your post on “Angle of Repose,” it is on my to-read list and was highly recommended by a friend and I think it would be great to get your take on it.
I love what you’ve said. It is about being a woman without necessarily being political or reactionary. Great observation!
million likes… stunning …. and uplifting ….. thank you for sharing this …. and that description about women and sex ,,,,, so real.
I don’t think this is a book that I would consider without a recommendation, but even from the small section you posted its clear that the prose is stunning. Thank you for sharing. I will be adding this one to my list.
I would say this strays outside of my typical reading, too, but I did enjoy it, and anything with women’s issues always appeals to me!
I especially liked this comment: “If women are suffering, children are suffering. Empower women, and you empower the community” (100). This is exactly what Maathai’s environmentalist efforts were all about. It touched me to realize that these two women were connected.” So true: “Happy Mumma, happy bubba!” (I know: easier adapting to changes!”
Yes, Maathai was amazing! I hope to grow up to be like her someday.